Wouldn't It Be Something(6/26/15)
My friend, John, and I left on a trip to Italy and expected to be gone for a little over a week. We were driving down in my Volkswagen and would be going to Rome as well as Pisa and Florence. We also hoped to visit the Island of Capri. I told Maggie about the trip because I knew I wouldn’t be writing for some time and I didn’t want her thinking I was losing interest in her. I also wanted her to know she shouldn’t worry about writing to me for a week.
Well, Maggie sent the following letter even though she knew I was gone. She wasn’t in a very good mood, thinking that so many people disapproved of some of the decisions she recently made.
As she wrote this letter, she was sleeping in her new apartment, although she was not able to move in yet until the gas and electricity were connected. So, she slept alone in and empty apartment and thought about many things that bothered her.
Maggie was very upset about something her older sister said to her (her sister was married to my brother) that frightened her and raised so many questions and doubts.
I loved the way Maggie described what she needs to be happy in this life and especially loved the way she ended this letter.
My Dearest Dennis,
I must write to you tonight just knowing that I may not hear from you for a while causes me to miss you so very much.
I am in my own little home tonight --- sleeping here for the first time. I am afraid that I am rather uneasy, but believe that I shall be able to relax with time. I canonly fully appreciate my new home as only I know what it once looked like.
I’m afraid I’m still in that disturbing period of my life. I seem to be at bitter ends with everyone. I am a terrible person. I feel now as if the only way I can truly be happy is to be sheltered and protected and given my own way, petted and never opposed. I am overly touchy about my softness and seem unable to make a positive effort in any direction. To boot, I am overly anxious in regards to my future.
My sister has noticed how frequently you write. She keeps drilling it into my mind that you and I could never be. “Wait till he gets home, he’ll be sorry.” How can I win, Den? At first it seemed a joke, but now I’m not so sure.
I know what is wrong, but there is nothing I can do. Life would’ve been so easy if I had married as planned. I’d be safe and put out of everyone’s worries! Life just isn’t that way, is it? I could move to Hong Kong, but as long as I’m single, I’m still considered a scatter brain. Maturity comes with a marriage license? Poor little me; I haven’t anyone to care for me. Poor baby.
I’m afraid this letter is awful and tends to ring with self-pity. I’m not aiming for pity, honestly. Let’s just say I’m sounding off. Actually, at this moment I’m sitting back, waiting for “everyone’s” next move, hoping I know how to deal with it ---not on the defensive --- just so “everyone” won’t knock me down completely.
“Everyone” is right though. I do need someone to love and protect me as I am very insecure at this stage of my life. But where and when is the agony of it all. No --- who is the agony of it all?
I must go now before you call for men with a straight jacket. I’m not crazy, Dennis, just madly in love with you.
I hope you do not get frustrated with getting no more than one of two letters at a time as I am doing this for two reasons:
1. I want you to experience how it was over fifty years ago to fall in love through letters. It was slow and difficult to wait for the next letter.
2. I have many problems with this web site. Because of difficulties with letter and paragraph spacing, I often have to re-edit my entries many times before I can send it. Also, the entries often "freeze" before I can make the next one. It frequently takes me over one hour to send one entry.