Wouldn't It Be Something(5/28/15)
Dennis DepcikDennis Depcik  • 2015-05-28 00:00 查看:529
Maggie sent me a postcard when she was in New York. In it she told me how much she was enjoying the city and then said that she knew that her trip probably didn’t mean much to me – since I’ve been visiting places like Paris, Rome, London, Berlin and other European cities. I was hurt by what she wrote, because I didn’t want her seeing me as someone who thought he was better than her. I never felt that way and wanted her to know that.
I was also worried about Maggie telling me in her last letter that she was thinking about moving to New York for a while – because she enjoyed it so much. I wanted to be careful about how I told her this and drew a little cartoon to express my feelings. I remind her of what she wrote in her letter, then add my cartoon. (The cartoon is difficult to read)
  • The first frame is copied from one of Maggie\'s early letters and is dated \'February 1967\' the sign reads "Yankee Come Home."
  • The second frame is dated \'April 1968,\' the month I should be home, and is a drawing of me coming home with my arms spread open to hug Maggie - the sign reads "Yankee is Home."
  • The third frame is dated \'Spring 1968,\' when Maggie said she might be moving to New York. The sign reads "Yankee Good-Bye."
  • The fourth frame is a drawing of the New York skyline.
Around 10/14/67
My Dear Miss Maggathie:
I received a postcard from you which began, “I know this is nothing new to you, but at least you might share in my excitement.”  Suddenly I became a bit angry. You seem to be saying that because I have traveled to several countries in Europe that I might look upon your trip with little interest.  My Dear Miss Maggathie (and if it sounds as if I’m upset, it’s because I am) I look upon anything you do with interest. If a trip to a small town in Illinois was something you looked forward to, it would be  a trip I would want to hear about.
A few quotes from your last letter:
           “I was beginning to wonder if your coming home to see me was limited to a ‘hello’ and ‘good-bye’ sort of thing.”
           “I don’t expect you to spend much time with me while you’re home.”
           “I’m hoping that you will want to see me as often as possible.”
Did I not say in one of my letters that I was coming home this Christmas to see you? Now perhaps I didn’t say this exactly, but I meant specifically you. If it wasn’t for my desire to see you, I wouldn’t be coming home. This may sound almost cruel, but I have some very dear friends here with whom I would rather spend Christmas than with my family. I am coming home to see you and intend to be with you as often as courtesy to my family allows.
A Matter of Extreme Concern:
“I fell in love with New York and was almost tempted to move up there in the spring.”
I’m glad you enjoyed your trip to New York. I have never been there, but I hope some day to visit it. But there are so many other places I wish to see when back in the States. California is perhaps number one on my list. One of my fellow officers and his wife have a home in California and have asked me, upon their return to the States, to come and spend a week or two at their home. They swear that once I see California, I will never want to leave.
It’s getting late, Maggathie, and if I don’t address this envelope tonight this letter might not be mailed until tomorrow evening. I’ll write again as soon as I am able.
Very Affectionately,
Maggie must have answered my letter as soon as she received it because I received a letter from her in just a few days. Again she is so honest. She apologizes for possibly hurting my feelings then opens up her heart.
Dear Dennis,
I am very sad for I have made you angry with me. I honestly thought that you had already seen New York. I didn’t mean to sound as if you are a snob.
I turned that knife a little more because I doubted you. I really doubted myself too. I was worried that perhaps you would come home and be disappointed with me. My heart flipped when you said you were coming home to see me, but what if it became unbearable for you! That could happen you know. I honestly don’t have any plans for the holidays, but I wanted you to be at ease to say “well, the guys in the gang are getting together and…” It was wrong for me to doubt you, because I’ve not only lacked trust in you, I’ve hurt you.
Dennis, if you knew how I look forward to you being home, you’d have ignored those statements which have offended you. I dream and even worry about it all the time. My imagination is so very active that any slight or hurt will bother me more than it should. That’s why I seem to be looking down about your homecoming. If I didn’t and things didn’t workout, the mental suffering of it all would be crushing.
About moving to New York --- It all boils down to my need of security and something stable on which to build my hopes. If I knew that you did not want me to go, I would be foolish to even think about going. On the other hand, if I have no one to hold me here in Chicago, New York offers many new horizons.
Finally, Dennis, you have all the standards that I have ever hoped for in a man and letting you drift by or even to lose you as a friend would be a great loss. Whether you realize it or not, I need you Dennis and want you very much.
As of now, I’ve almost given you the impression that I am restless, changeable and even fickle, but actually when the right guy comes along, I’ll be easy for him to keep. I will be careful in finding my love, but once I do, my affection will never fail.
As for my home life, it is growing worse. I always seem to be hurting those I love most. I sat in my hallway tonight and cried silently for almost an hour because I couldn’t stand being in the house with my own father.
I’m afraid and lonely. I almost believe now that I do need psychiatric help. One minute I’m saying “Be strong, Mag, adjust, adjust, adjust.” and the next I’m bursting into tears because if I don’t, my nerves will break in two.
Please forgive me for hurting you. You must believe that I never meant to.
I must go now. It is late and I still have 100 things to do. I will write again soon.
I liked much of what Maggie wrote to me, but I was worried when she said, “If I knew that you did not want me to go, I would be foolish to even think about going. On the other hand, if I have no one to hold me here in Chicago, New York offers many new horizons.”  What “new horizons” was she talking about? Did she want me to ask her not to go to New York, but to stay in Chicago and wait for me? I couldn’t.  I didn’t really know her yet. We had barely spent any time with each other; how could I possibly ask her to wait for me? No, I couldn’t.